losing momentum in work and i start doubting and googling nonsense …… digging about the past ….. past that those poor souls i spent it together with trying to erase ……

the past has been a hell of a dare devil joy ride ……… filled with ignorance and naive-ness …… i dare say i’m not regretting it …….. the consequences of being really broke, at one point hiding like a fugitive and ended trying hard to live like normal beings …….. i really don’t understand how i can afford to scramble around creating trouble for the good and the bad ……… young and hot blooded i guess?? ho ho ho

life isn’t normal for me back then ……… it’s about taking risk and gambling with luck …… i call myself the unlucky one as i guess anything involving me would end up failing ugly ……. i would just think luck is just not flowing my way ……. i still believe in luck but i choose to believe luck is for others ….. not me ….. whenever i felt being lucky? well thats a bonus i guess?

messing around creating trouble (the bad way) back then has been a memory that will never fail to generate the mixed feeling of “what if”, sigh and anger …….. but now i never fail to smile at it ….. reminiscing how i actually behave back then ….. Some told me to forgive and forget ……… is forgive and forget the best solution? forgiving and forgetting is 2 different task that just wont sync for me …….. i forgive but i never forget ……… i forget but not necessarily i’ve forgiven …… a wound will heal eventually into a scar …… with the amount of care and treatment to the scar, a scar never fade away but instead being concealed tricking the eyes of others

I’ve grown out of it 85% atleast …… i am adapting well to be abnormally normal (what irony ohohoho) i can’t be truthful to swear i’ve forgotten OR forgiven ……. it’s not something bad to actually look back at the past …… as long as you’ve move out of it and with something great to look forward to